I spent the weekend with my parents and decided to start a "sh*t my dad says" list. I call this part one because I'm sure as time goes, I'll discover yet more gems to be shared. I hope you think he's as hilarious as I do.
1. "Rainin' like a cow pissin' on a flat rock." Probably the most-used of his many phrases, I grew up thinking this was a normal thing for someone to say.
2. "Hotter 'n a three-peckered billy goat." This might be my favorite of his sayings, though there are a couple more on this list that would make a modest person blush.
3. "If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his ass every time he hopped." You know the whole, "if fishes were horses then beggars would ride" thing? Well, this is my dad's take on that.
4. "Shiny as a diamond in a billy goat's ass." And just how shiny is that? Not very.
5. "Asshole deep on a tall Indian." The only racist phrase that made the list this weekend, this was in reference to the amount of snow Cutbank, Montana receives each winter. I think this was immediately followed by a "colder than a" statement, but I didn't write it down, and can't seem to remember it.
6. "Dryer than a popcorn fart." In reference to the dry stream bed on my parents' property.
7. "Hornier than a three-peckered hoot owl." Yep, he said that.
I can only hope that my father continues to produce such colorful phrases. I will dutifully share them all with you.
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