Orientation and community.

So I'm trying to keep this blog, but really, I'm failing horribly. It seems like every time I've tried to sit down and write, I've found that either my mind has gone blank or I've been uncomfortable posting my real thoughts for just anyone out there. To get things going, I sat down last night and wrote on paper instead, and I came up with what I hope is some good stuff. I won't write it all here, but most of it is in the words that follow...

ORIENTATION: WAY too long. I am virtually incapable of enjoying time spent in groups of more than 5, and I am almost totally incapable of enjoying outings with 56 strangers (OK, I knew some already, so let's say 51 or so), so twelve days with that many people, all the time, was not the greatest thing for me. I'm just not that kind of socialite. There's always too much gossip, too much intrigue, too many cliques. It might not have been so difficult for me if it had been shorter, but even in a small group twelve days is a long time for me, and with that many, it was bordering on interminable for me by the end. All that being said, though, I gladly admit these were not unenjoyable (if that's a word) people. I probably didn't become lifelong friends with any of them in twelve days, but I don't think I made any enemies, either (I hope?). I didn't laugh hysterically, or cry my eyes out, but I definitely learned a few things, probably even some things I haven't yet realized. There were a lot of life experiences, there were a lot of perspectives, and there was a lot of sharing, so it certainly wasn't all bad, it just wasn't really me.

MY COMMUNITY: I live with 5 other men - 3 Brothers (FSC) and 2 Lasallian Volunteers.
Br. Richard is awesome. He's kind of like the grandfather in our house. As community director, he's in charge of how the house is run, and as a person, he's very much my style. Short. Bald. Tight skinned. Tough. IRISH. He tells you what he's thinking, has an almost subversive sense of humor, and makes no bones about being generous and good-hearted. All around, he's just a good guy.

Br. Bernard is more of an introvert and less likely to be the comic of the group, which is of course why so much of what he says is hilarious! He's a beachcomber who never throws ANYTHING away if he thinks there could ever be a use for it, he's a stickler for tradition, and he's an accountant. He's a little checked out from the community and the school, but he's content to take care of the business and do his own thing so long as you're content to let him.

Br. John is a man who I do not seem to see eye-to-eye with. My goal with him is simply to find a common ground on which we can meet with tolerance and goodwill, because our personalities clash in a very real way. We aren't about to get in a shouting match or anything, but we're also not likely to intentionally initiate conversation with one another. To me, John's biggest redeeming factor is that he has a genuine interest in the kids' success, and if anyone needed something from him, I don't think he would hesitate to provide it.

The two volunteers in my community are Denny and Mike, and these guys are great. Denny has an enthusiasm and personality that is infectious. He's the kind of guy that drives you crazy if you're on the outside looking in, but who is invaluable if you're part of his crowd. He's an organizer, an enabler (in a good way), a good listener, a sincere speaker, and a genuinely nice person. I think Denny could hurt somebody by accident, but I'm sure he could never do it intentionally. He would give up so much to help his friends, and all his actions seem to come from his good humor and kindness combined. He is one of the few people I have ever met who I feel I can say "this person deserves all the good that will come his way." And believe me, there will be a lot. He is bound for the top of whatever he does, because leadership fits him.

Mike is a totally different guy, awesome in his own unique way. His strength comes from within him. He is searching for a direction in life and, while he will enjoy this year of service, I don't think he'll find what he's looking for here. Where some (Denny included) seek validation and support from others, Mike is trying to find something that will allow him to validate himself from within. He isn't truly confident anywhere, and he has some fear in him, but I think that when he finds his home he will flourish, grow, and give back. I think Mike is in this program somewhat on a whim, as another part of his search, but I also think he's in it because he cares about contributing to the causes of people who need him. There is a depth of feeling in Mike that is hard to tap but (I think) once tapped will be virtually bottomless. When he finally finds himself truly balanced, he will be a center of calm in a turbulent world, the place tossed ships and lost people find respite and renewal.

So how does all this fit together? I can't say I know, but I think it's either a jigsaw with all the right pieces, or a depth charge. Mike, Denny, and I have begun bonding really well. I think the three of us really have the ability to support one another like brothers through the coming year, and I think we will. I also think there might be times when we won't even like each other, but don't all brothers have those times? I already know that if those guys ask me for something, I probably won't have the ability to say no. In the 4 weeks we've been together, I have become attached to them in a way I certainly didn't expect. I look up to Denny as the second year volunteer who can do more to guide me into and through this next couple months than anyone else, and I look to Mike as the man who will be there to remind me what's what when I need it, but who will need to remind him of the same from time to time.


So, I hope this entry begins to paint a picture for you of what's going on in my life at the moment. I will try to put up another entry soon that talks more about my school and what I do there. Until then, feel free (as always) to leave me comments or send me an email with questions you have. If you sent me an email last time I posted and I haven't responded yet, please forgive me. I'm a bit busy, but I will be getting to them soon (I hope).

-Alex