A special thank you

I have to take a moment to give a special thank you.  A lot of very generous people responded to my last post by donating to my effort to attend the Lasallian Volunteers midyear retreat.  As of yesterday, my flights are booked!  It´s going to take 4 different itineraries to get to Albany and back, and 3 layovers each way, for a round trip total of more than 30 hours of travel, but it will be absolutely worth it.  To the many of you who made this possible, THANK YOU.  Really, truly, sincerely, thank you.  I was honestly very worried that I wouldn´t be able to go, but the response of my friends and family has been incredible.  Besides the donations, I also received some very thoughtful and encouraging words from you, and for those of you reading this now, know that it means a lot to me just to think that you´re taking the time to follow what´s going on in my life, let alone that you might concern yourself enough to write me an e-mail.  It´s easy to feel alone in the world, and it can be hard to reach out and help somebody feel connected.  Thank you for reaching out to me.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas (or, if you don´t celebrate Christmas, a wonderful few days off work, at least), and a happy New Year, assuming of course that the world doesn´t end tomorrow.

Alex

Reflecting on a semester past

Well, dear readers, the semester is over.  I arrived at Utopía under a new moon, and have marked the passing months by its wax and wane.  The semester finished under its determined gaze, and we now move forward into the break guided again by only the light of the stars.  This seems as good a time as any, and in fact better than most, to reflect on these first three months.

To begin with, I can hardly believe the semester is already over.  It feels like this should be just a weekend, and all the students will be here again on Monday to continue this routine we have.  The passage of time is difficult to mark here, especially without the usual coming of fall, the quick change into winter, and the expectation of snow.  We are just about to begin the Colombia summer, and every day feels a little more like what I expect from August.  But instead, everyone has left for a full month to recuperate, to work, and to do what they do.  I won’t see them again until January.  As for reflecting on the past, though…

Teaching English in Colombia is a challenge, no doubt about it, and especially in this program.  Students are up at 5:30 in the morning for “productive practice,” where they work in the field until breakfast.  With another 4 to 6 hours of class in a day, they’ve put in a full time week before they even start their homework, which they dedicate themselves to with some gusto.  Most are headed for bed by ten o’clock, and almost all are asleep by twelve.  The most common phrase I hear in class is, “teacher, tengo sueño,” that is, “I’m tired,” and they usually they say it in a tone of voice that implies, “I’m exhausted and about to fall asleep on my desk.”   Add to this the fact that English is, though required, considered extracurricular, and it won’t come as a huge surprise that frequently my question, “Did you do the homework?” is met by noncommittal looks and excuses. 

I certainly don’t blame my students for not doing their English homework, and I sympathize with their situation.  What I meant when I said that English is required but extracurricular is that students of Universidad de La Salle are required to demonstrate an intermediate English level in order to graduate, but the University doesn’t require that they take their language courses internally.  If they do choose to study English here, their grades in the language don’t affect their GPA, so of course if they have to choose between their biochemistry homework and their English homework that doesn’t affect their overall grades, they’re going to choose biochemistry.  Llike I said, it doesn’t upset or offend me, however it does make teaching difficult.  There was one particular day when not a single person in a class of 23 had even attempted the homework.  Unfortunately for all, test grades reflected out of class prep time.  Of my 112 students, 51 did not pass the course, and of the 61 who did pass, the vast majority did so with a D or a C.  The number of As and Bs could be counted on two hands.

Going forward, it is unclear what this means.  The students (and their classes) are organized into six blocks – 2 groups of first year students, 2 groups of second years, and 2 groups of third years.  With some from every group passing and some failing, we don’t know how we can arrange the schedule for next semester.  I certainly don’t have the ability to spend 48 hours a week in instruction.  We’re waiting to find out if we might receive an assistant language teacher from Bogotá for the next semester, but there is not yet any concrete evidence that will happen, and I don’t have a lot of hope.  But, well, we’ll see.

This semester was difficult on a personal level, too.  People here ask me all the time if I miss my family and friends, and I always tell them that I’ve lived away from home for a long time already and this isn’t a big deal.  That isn’t completely true, though.  When I was teaching in New Zealand (June-August, 2009) I was living in a “community” of Brothers (all of two people that I hardly ever saw) and working in a school where I was closer in age to the students than the teachers.  I had no transportation, no friends, and a lot of free time to sit around with my thoughts for company.  I found ways to occupy myself, and I wrote A LOT in a journal I had to submit for my course at Saint Mary’s.  I didn’t realize how difficult that experience really was until the end of the course, when my instructor (who will read this blog post) commented on how appreciably estranged I was from any significant social interaction.  I think it didn’t bother me at the time because I was happy in my work and because I knew I was only there for three months.  In a short time, I would go back to my friends and community at Saint Mary’s feeling that much better about life for having taken the time to both give and receive.  Evaluating my Colombia experience to date in light of that experience, there are some parallels, and some things that are even more difficult.

Colombia is the same in that I am somewhat estranged here, too.  I am friendly with my co-workers and my students, but between my natural reticence and the significant linguistic and cultural barriers, I have found it very difficult to foster meaningful relationships.  I hold all my thoughts in my head, saying them only to myself, not necessarily because I lack anyone else to say them to, but because I lack the words to say them.  Add that I tend to be a relatively reserved person to begin with and I think it´s clear why life here has been socially difficult.

I also feel sometimes as though I lack freedom.  Utopía is about 6 miles up a pretty terrible road, and opportunities to get into town are few and far between… not that there’s a lot I need to do in Yopal, but it would be nice to have the option.  Unfortunately, my days off this semester were Friday and Sunday.  Friday ended up being my planning day since there wouldn´t be any way for me to get back from Yopal before class Saturday, and there´s no pointing going on Sunday because everything is closed.  So, in the end, I mostly just never left campus, and that starts to feel a little confining after a while. 

Lastly, it´s often difficult to stay motivated when so many of my students don´t seem interested/willing to do the work.  I have one class, especially, that I have to mentally prepare myself for before I could go.  This particular group of students never does the homework, resists any efforts toward having a focused or productive class, and is generally poorly enough behaved (and yes, we´re talking about university students) that I´m tempted on occasion to tell them all to just leave.  In our second to last class, I finally did tell them that anybody who didn´t want to come to the last class before the exam didn´t have to.  I was not surprised when only five showed up for that session.  I was also not surprised when four of those students were four of the five in that entire group to pass the course.  What´s so difficult about it is that my students all recognize the importance of learning English for their professional futures, they will happily expound on the many benefits it will provide them, and they all say they want to learn it, but they resist so stoically my attempts to teach it to them.   Staying motivated, feeling satisfied in the work, is incredibly difficult some days.

In the midst of all this whining, I do have some good news.  The Lasallian Volunteers (most of you will remember that I worked with them the last two years) have invited me to join them in New York this January for their mid-year retreat.  It´s a long way to go for a 3 day retreat, but it will be absolutely worth it.  The LVs are an inspiring group of people and, in the midst of the many difficulties, time with them always reminds me of the grand purpose this Lasallian mission has worked toward for more than 300 years, namely changing the world through education.  Sharing with them, hearing their stories and telling mine, never fails to revitalize my spirit and prepare me for the work ahead.  Saint John Baptist de La Salle knew how important community is, it´s why his teachers lived together and it led to their first heroic vow.  Recognizing the power of this community, I am super excited to have the opportunity to share time with them. 

Of course, as with all things, this won´t be easy, and I have a selfish request to make of you.  You see, the flight from Colombia to New York and back is not exactly cheap, and volunteering doesn´t really pay well.  I am hoping those of you who read this blog might be willing to help me out?  I wouldn´t ask if I could afford to do it on my own, but I´m afraid the funds just aren´t there.  Would you be willing to donate to my mental and spiritual well-being?  If so, you can send a donation (please make any check out to ´´Christian Brother´s Conference´´) to:

Attn: LVs/Alex Branch

Hecker Center, Suite 300

3025 Fourth Street, NE

Washington, DC 20017

So, I hope this blog finds all of you well, that you are getting into the festive spirit of the holidays and looking forward to a brief rest from the usual routine.  As always, please feel free to comment or send me an email.

Alex

Something a little different

"I'm feeling super lazy today, which is like normal lazy, but I'm wearing a cape."  Facebook is good for some things - occasionally humor is one of them.

Today's blog is going to be a little different.  I mostly just use this forum to say what I've been up to, and I generally try not to be too touch-feely, philosophical, or current.  I'm leaving my reticence at the door.

I've been in a half-funk lately.  Not a true funk, because I feel fine.  In fact, I didn't know I was in a funk of any kind until sometime around ... this morning.  Then I just kind of had this realization that I haven't really been DOING anything.  Writing lessons, teaching, hanging around, and not really anything more.  My life as of recent has been lacking intention.  Since he's over-quoted, I'll go ahead and leave Plato out of this, but let me just say that I've been failing to examine myself, and I only realized it today.  Why today? I'm not sure.  It probably had something to do with drinking coffee before bed last night.

So, my resolutions as of this morning: 

1.  I'm going to get up earlier.  I usually wake up between 7:00 and 8:00, any given day but Monday (when I have a 7:00 AM faculty meeting).  Well, 7:00 AM is late in Utopia.  Students have productive practice (field work) starting at 5:30 AM every day but Sunday (no wonder they're always tired).  I'm not aiming for 5:30 everyday, mostly because I'm not even aware of having a body at that hour, but I'm thinking I need to roll back my clock to sometime between 6:00 and 6:30.  It's time to get a little more out of my day.

2.  But what ever will I do with all this extra time?  Stop being a louse and get some exercise.  I play micro-football with the students here on occasion, but not enough to qualify it as regular exercise.  I can feel my body atrophying from lack of physical exertion.  So, push-ups, sit-ups, maybe pull-ups if I can rig something in my room.  Some early morning stretching, maybe?  It's time to get health care into my routine as something more than a political talking point.

3.  Spanish.  Talking to people in Spanish, in my mind at least, does not qualify as practicing Spanish.  Conversations with students are like competing in a soccer match.  That's performance time.  Practice happens away from that environment.  It involves intentional study of forms and vocabulary, pronunciation and interpretation.  I've been studying a bit since I came, but not enough.  Hence, I'm dedicating at least 30 minutes, 3x/week to the actual study of Spanish.

And that's that.  After all, I have to save some things for New Year's, right?

Now another thing completely out of the ordinary for this blog.  I want to touch a little bit on a subject that some may consider sensitive.  If I say anything in the following paragraphs that you find offensive, please know that is not my intention.  If I say something you find provocative, please feel free to email me or to comment on this post.

I follow a couple of online whitewater forums, just to keep a bead on the industry and to paddle vicariously through other people who have access to boats and rivers, since that isn't part of my life right now.  On one of the forums, the issue of how women are treated in our niche community came up.  "Balls Deep Productions" (BDP) is a group of young Montana paddlers who are absolutely killing it on the river.  They made a kayaking movie, "Pleasure Strokes" that turned out to not only be about kayaking.  It included some scenes taken at house parties that glorified potentially dangerous alcohol abuse and, especially, mistreatment of women.  Somebody took the time to ask how we all felt about it (as well as some VERY incendiary comments made on facebook by BDP) and the wall blew up.  Over 200 replies to the thread, more than 45,000 views, responses from major companies in the industry, including a kayaking/traveling high school, some paddlers maybe losing their sponsors, and the conversation continues.  I'm bringing the conversation to my blog because, as I and others pointed out, the issue is bigger than the niche community of paddlers.  It's part of our larger culture, and it needs to be addressed. So.  

What follows is a post I made on this message board.  It refers to the conversation taking place there at the time, but in a way I think is broad enough for readers here to understand without additional context and to apply in the broader culture of the United States.  Without further ado...

"What are you guys about to go do?"
(holding a shotgun) "Shoot some b*tches."
-"Pleasure Strokes" by BDP

There seem to be two main defenses of this kind of behavior going around. 

The first is that it isn't serious, that it's all a big joke for the sake of entertainment, and that that makes it OK. I have to disagree with this defense for several reasons. First, your entertainment is not worth somebody else's dignity. Statements and actions like those portrayed here are affronts to the humanity of the people on the other end. Their intent is to amuse, but to amuse yourself at the expense of somebody else is to declare your narcissism to the world. Some argue that these things are happening between friends, and that that makes it OK, but when "jokes" like these are published to an international forum, the joke is no longer between friends. 

Which brings me to the second defense, that if we don't like it, we don't have to watch it. That's true, of course. We don't have to watch it. The argument forgets, however, that we do have to live in the climate it creates - a climate where violence against women is normalized. Katie Dean posted about being a young woman in the kayaking community, and that because she was strong and knew how to take care of herself the boys knew what line not to cross with her. What I'm asking is, should she have had to? The culture as it stands now puts the onus on the victim to stand up for him/herself, but shouldn't the onus be on the other person not to victimize the people around him? This same culture is the one that believes in the "Did you see what she was wearing? She was asking for it." defense of sexual assault. Degradation is not the fault of the victim, it is the fault of the perpetrator. The boys at BDP might not think of themselves as sexist, but their behavior says otherwise, and the only thing accomplished by publishing such behavior in a public forum is to declare it normal and appropriate.

To illustrate the point of normalcy, try this experiment. In the BDP quote that starts this thread, try replacing "b*tch" with "n*gger." There was a time in history where culture allowed such a statement to be normal, and it was a time when black people were hated for nothing other than their skin color (let's be honest, many people still have this problem). Now is that epoch for women, when hatred for hatred's sake is scapegoated on the excuse of sex. History will shed light on the ignorance of our times, it will honor people like Eve Ensler (Vagina Monologues) the way it already honors Martin Luther King Jr. We don't have to wait for history, though. Culture is the name we give to collective norms, and we can change those collective norms by vocalizing our desire to. Every person has this responsibility personally, and the louder your voice, the greater your responsibility. 

BDP, I don't have an online video with more than 7,000 views. You do. Use the power of your voice to make the world better, not to perpetuate the violence and hatred we already have too much of.

And this, highlights from a post I made on my other message board (where I introduced the topic):

... What I'm interested in, the whole reason I brought this up here, is the attitude of the kayaking community toward this kind of behavior. 

... this conversation is maybe a way to show people how strongly we feel about the treatment of women, and to let them know that we'll put a stop to this when we see it. If we're lucky, it's also maybe a way to convince a few people to stop and think a moment about their actions and how they affect the community around them, to stop themselves before someone else has to step in.

Hatred toward women isn't limited to the kayaking community, but that doesn't mean we should tolerate it here. (And let me be clear, "tolerate" means "don't say anything" means "leave them alone.") 

... When behavior like that is normalized it affects everybody. It takes power away from victims and puts it in the hands of abusers, and it warps the minds of young people growing up in a culture where they can't be sure what's appropriate and what isn't.

I don't think we should give these guys a break. I don't think we should give anybody a break when it comes to the disrespect of others. That doesn't mean we need to call their sponsors and demand they get dropped, but it does mean we need to have conversations with them about what's appropriate and what isn't.

So, if you managed to make it through all that, I applaud and thank you.  This post turned out to be pretty long, and very different from what I usually talk about.  As always, please feel free to send me an email or post in the comments.  I look forward to hearing from you.

Alex

P.S. Since this was a pretty serious post, I'm going to leave you with a picture of cute baby animals (this is actually copied and pasted from the first Google search result of "cute baby animals." I chose the tiger because they're FIERCE!)

Flexible

Working in Colombia is slowly redefining how I think of flexibility.  It's pretty incredible how inconsistent things are around here.  Indeed, the only things that seem particularly consistent are the kitchen on campus and the inconsistency of everything else.  In particular, there hasn't been a week since I arrived here when at least one of my classes hasn't had to be rescheduled.  Every week there's some sort of special seminar, or extra-curricular classes, or a field trip, or a building dedication (ok, that only happened once), or something else that makes it so I have to juggle classes.  I feel silly writing how frustrating this can be, but honestly, this can be really frustrating.  Between the students' busy schedule and mine, the only time to reschedule those classes ends up being at night or on Sunday.  I end up teaching 7 days a week, or finding out half an hour before class that I suddenly have that day off.  It's very different from my college experience, for sure, when if a class was cancelled for any reason, that was pretty much it, because getting everybody in the same place outside the regular time was like trying to catch all the mice in a hay field.  Here, the students all live on campus, they all have the same class schedule (within a given group - there are 6 groups), and they all eat at the same place at the same time.  Rescheduling a class can sometimes be as easy as standing in the dining hall and shouting the new class time.  The students grumble (as do I, in my head) but they all show up, and that's that.

I'm glad I'm a volunteer, because if I was getting paid, I'm not sure it would be enough.

Teaching and spiders

I've been somewhat reticent as of late, regarding this blog.  I swear, it's only partially my fault.  For about two weeks we haven't had any internet access.  That, and I also started teaching 3 weeks ago, which has kept me more than a little occupied.  In fact, that's exactly what I want to write about today.

This is not the first time I've taught.  I taught math in New Zealand, I taught "life" in New York, now I'm teaching English in Colombia.  In truth, it's not a whole lot different, except that right now I have 6 classes of English level 1, almost 120 students, and an actual amount of information I'm responsible for conveying to those students.  It keeps me on my toes, to say the least.

I enjoy the endeavor.  Time in the classroom seems to disappear.  One moment I'm checking attendance, the next I'm welcoming a new group of students and wondering how two hours have already passed.  I feel a little crazy, in truth, like I'm living in the twilight zone.  Twenty minutes pass for me, and two hours (well, I hope it's only two) for everybody else.

This side of the classroom is very different.  We've had three weeks of class, and there are about ten remaining.  My feeling, we've ALREADY had THREE WEEKS of class?  And there is ONLY TEN LEFT???  I used to sit on the other side of the room and wonder how there could possibly still be ten weeks left of class.  The semester seemed interminable.  Now I find myself presenting material at what feels like breakneck speed to make sure everything gets done, and I wonder at the idea that we will somehow fit it all in.  An interesting perspective, this side of the classroom.

Aside from the classroom, I find my Spanish progressing a little here and there, though certainly not in leaps and bounds.  I understand more now than I did when I first arrived, but it doesn't always feel that way.  Indeed, I hadn't really thought I understood more at all, until somebody I knew from Bogota happened to be in Yopal the other day.   I realized how much easier our conversation is here than it had been there.  Progress, but slow.

This place continues to enchant me, as well.  The sky is different from what I'm used to, but beautiful all the same.  There is no North Star, and I haven't been able to spot the Big Dipper, but Vega is still easy to find and Orion makes his appearance every night, albeit in a place I'm not used to looking.  This place is very dark when the lights are off, and the stardust scattered across the sky reminds me of Montana.

Last weekend Brother Martín took me for a ride around the farm on horseback.  It was blazing hot, but very interesting.  The students here study agronomical engineering, so the fields are small, practical application laboratories.  Most of the farm, however, is not tended by the students.  Rather, very little is cultivated at all.  The area is wild and used as range for the cattle kept here and tended by ranchers employed by the University.  Jungle, meadow, streams and swamps govern an area roamed by free range stock.  At one point we came across a small herd of horses that clearly weren't wild, but which I don't guess feel a saddle very often.  They came to greet us, but kept a healthy distance, as well.

One thing I'm struggling with a little here is bugs.  Spiders and mosquitoes, in particular, but occasionally others as well.  To try to keep the number of mosquitoes in my room to a minimum I've made a point of not killing spiders - the web-making kind, anyway, and that's all fine and well.  But.

Yesterday morning my foot had the unfortunate experience of finding a different kind of spider in my shoe.  With it's legs spread out, it barely would have fit in the palm of my hand, and it clearly doesn't make webs.  I didn't know what it was, at first, but it didn't belong in my shoe.  I took my foot out (before I ever even got the shoe all the way on) and shook it upside down.  Well, I saw something come out, but couldn't tell what it was.  Then I looked all around and couldn't find it, so I figured it probably had been a large spider and had run away.  Well, I was half right.  Often one to learn practical lessons a little slower than I ought, I proceeded to put my shoes on.  My left foot then encountered the same spider, because as soon as it hit the ground, without my even getting a look at it, it managed to flee INTO MY OTHER SHOE!  Well, eventually that problem got taken care of, but this morning I found the exact same variety of spider clinging to my shower curtain.  I haven't motivated myself to study for the GRE yet, but I have at least made good use of the book.

Anyway, I have plenty more to write, as always, but think that's probably enough for the moment.  I need to finish writing some exams.

Feel free to leave comments or send me an e-mail.

Alex

School starts tomorrow

I'm not really sure what to say here, except that I feel it's important to say something.  I spent a month in Bogota, I've spent a week in Yopal, and tomorrow is the first day of class.  My lesson plans are ready, the students have arrived back on campus, and this is it.  I should feel some kind of way, probably, trepidation or excitement or something, but honestly it kind of feels like tomorrow is just another day - nothing special.  I guess tomorrow will tell.

On another note, I've been in Yopal for a week, and it's probably worth saying a few words about my initial experience here...

First things first, my Spanish is atrocious.  If not for having the personal memory of the classes, I wouldn't believe that I studied this language from 7th through 11th grades.  FIVE years of classes, and literally, I think I understand about 10% of what is said to me.  This language thing will be an uphill battle, though it does conveniently remind me just how difficult and frustrating it can be to learn a language.  Hopefully I can keep the feeling of frustration in mind (shouldn't be hard) as I teach English, that it might remind me to be patient and compassionate toward my students.

Perhaps the next thing of note is my roommates.  Not traditional roommates.  Bugs.  There must be 50 species of insect living in my room with me.  They're everywhere.  I kill the mosquitoes, the really big bugs I relocate back outside, and the rest I just try to ignore.  There's no way to keep them out because there's about a 4" gap between the top of the wall and the roof, so my room is literally open to the outside.  They're especially concentrated in my bathroom for some reason, though I'll take that happily to having them concentrated in my bedroom.  The best form of control I could think of was to make spiders my allies, so any spider that builds a web I'm not likely to run into in the dark by accident gets to stay.  While brushing my teeth this morning, I counted 14 spiders in my bathroom.  I must need to recruit some bigger spiders though, because during the same time I killed 6 mosquitoes.

On brighter notes, I'm enjoying living in the country.  It's a very nice change of pace after living in Bogota for a month.  There, I was forced every day to wonder, "Will today be the day I get hit by a bus?"  Here, I have no such concerns.  Fresh air, trees, breezes.  It's a little warm, but I'll take that over the lung-searing smog of the city.  This week in Yopal was a little boring because there weren't any students, but they've all arrived back from break now, so things are a bit more lively.  It's a little funny to be back to school as a professor instead of a student.  Everybody's moving back into their rooms and it kind of feels the same as when I was in college.  I have to remind myself that these people are not my classmates, they're my students.

Anyway, that's all for now.  As always, please feel free to leave a comment or send an email.

Oh, I almost forgot.  I put up some photos of Yopal on picasa.  Follow the link if you want to check 'em out (I should note that, as of publishing, some of those photos are still loading.  If you only see 5ish, check back in about an hour for the other 10ish.  My internet connection is nearly dial-up slow sometimes.)

Alex

What the River does

"If ever there were a connection among all people, it is the awe we feel in the face of moving water."  - Eric Adsit for American Whitewater, January/February 2010 issue

What the River Does

The river sometimes crawls, sometimes runs,

              Sometimes whispers, sometimes roars.

I have heard it sing

            and I have seen it beat its fists.

The tiniest rivulet, the mightiest torrent,

             these follow the same rules.

As one would leap, rush, and race to its destination,

             so the other.

As one would curl, turn, or ripple,

             so the other.

The river never hesitates to fall, nor balks at the mountains before it.

The river is not concerned with what lies ahead or behind.

The river does not care if you throw rocks at it or ride on its back.

The river need not think of who sits on its shores.

It is the quality and privilege of the river to be concerned with naught.

Rain or snow, sun or clouds, hot or cold,

               these are inconsequential to the river.

Should it freeze, it simply waits for spring.

Should it run dry, it waits for rain.

Should it flow over, it patiently looks for the sun.

Should it boil, it can be assured of someday reaching the tranquility of the sea.

The river knows it is neither alone nor independent, yet

                 it concerns itself little with the affairs of what it cannot change.

It would rather reflect the sun and the moon, flow onward, and

                 rest assured that the future, though unpredictable, is inevitable.